Common Mistakes Women make during Hajj and Umrah

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MISTAKE #1: Thinking that their Ihram is the ‘cap’ they wear over their head.

Some Muslimahs do not know what iḥrām means and they think it’s the cap that they put on over their hair, They don’t take it off no matter what, thinking they will “break their iḥrām”. Iḥrām is a state that you enter into and putting on any item of clothing when you enter into the state of iḥrām does not mean that you cannot take it off later. And taking it off does NOT mean that you ended your iḥrām. That’s why the ‘ulemā’ say we can change our iḥrām (meaning our clothes), and even wash it if it gets dirty.

“It is permissible for the pilgrim in iḥrām for Hajj or Umrah to change his iḥrām clothes and put on another set of iḥrām clothes, and that does not affect his iḥrām for Hajj or ‘Umrah.” (Standing Committee for Academic Research and Issuing Fatwas, Fataawa al-Lajnah, 11/185)

MISTAKE #2: Excessive fear of breaking their hair.

Some women have an excessive fear of breaking their hair. So much so that they don’t take off their scarf/dupatta/hijāb, even when they’re by themselves or among just women. They are so worried about their hair breaking, that they don’t even take off their headpiece for making wuḍū’. This is a trick of the Shaytān. Think about it. If you don’t do wuḍū’ properly, would your prayer be valid? Would your tawāf be valid? Do you really think Allāh would hold you accountable if you did something that was not in your control? No of course not. He is The Most Merciful. He is the Most Forgiving. Then, why would He nullify your iḥrām just because a few hairs fell out on their own, something that was out of your control! The prohibition is for the hair to be cut, plucked, shaved, etc. on purpose. Not involuntarily.

MISTAKE #3: Getting their hair cut only by someone who has exited Ihram

Many women think that ONLY the one who isNOT in iḥrām can cut their hair, once they’ve finished with their rituals. And they refuse to cut their own hair to exit iḥrāmnor do they allow another sister who has not yet exited iḥrām to cut it for them, thinking that she is not allowed to do that for them. This is a wrong notion. Actually, if you think about it, you are supposed to cut your hair when you finish with all the rituals.

The Prophet (ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi Wa Sallam) commanded his companions, during the Farewell Pilgrimage:

“Let him cut his (meaning, his own) hair then exit ihram.” (al-Bukhari, Muslim)

MISTAKE #4: Not going to the Jamarat or Muzdalifah

Some of us delegate another hajji to throw the pebbles on our behalf for no valid reason. We get scared of the crowd or sometimes, get plain old lazy, not understanding the importance of doing it themselves, even if they are able.

Māshā’Allāh, Allāh has blessed us with health. Alḥamdulillāh, we are young, energetic, confident, and capable. We are able to do anything and everything when we are back home and yet when it comes to Hajj and theJamarāt, all of a sudden we become “frail, little weaklings who cannot go throw the pebbles”.

Don’t be lazy about the rituals of Hajj. Realize the significance of doing everything yourself if you have the ability. There’s no need to be scared at all. Yes, many years ago, we heard horror stories of stampedes, and people suffocating or hurting themselves. But not anymore, Alḥamdulillāh the Saudi government has renovated the whole Jamarāt complex a few years ago and it is the easiest thing in the world. I have seen old people in wheelchairs, people on crutches, and kids as little as 3 and 4 years old, throwing the pebbles themselves.

If there is a lot of crowds or your safety is an issue, it can be delayed.

“It is permissible to delay their (meaning women) stoning of the Jamarāt until the crowding is less or has stopped, and there is nothing wrong with them doing that.” (Fatawa Shaykh Uthaymeen)

Although it is allowed for women to leave Muzdhalifah after half the night has passed if there is an excuse such as sickness, weakness, or just because we are women. BUT, it is better if you do stay the whole night following the Sunnah of the Prophet (ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi Wa Sallam). So don’t chicken out.

MISTAKE #5: Crowding with the men

Beware of crowding with men in all the rituals of Hajj, especially during ṭawāf and at the Black Stone, during Sa’i and when stoning the Jamarat. Choose times when there is less crowding. Think about it. Touching the Black Stone is a beautiful Sunnah, but it is a sunnah. And protecting yourself and your hayā’ from coming in unnecessary contact with all non-mahram men is a FARDH.

The Mother of Believers, ‘Aishah used to do ṭawāf in an area away from the men, and she did not touch the Black Stone or the Yemeni Corner if there was crowding.

It was narrated that ‘Ata’ said:

‘Aishah used to do ṭawaf far away from the men, not mixing with them.” A woman said: “O Mother of the Believers, let us go and touch the Black Stone!” She said: “Go yourself,” and she refused to go.

In my opinion, the best place for us women to do ṭawaf is up on the roof of the Masjid. Now it may seem like a big distance from far, but I promise you, all it takes is an hour and 10 minutes, to be precise, to complete a ṭawaf, walking at an average pace.

Now the Shayṭan may play with your mind and make it seem like a lot. But then ask yourself this… don’t you easily, easily, walk an hour ten minutes in the mall?

MISTAKE # 6: Rushing through ‘Ibadah. Remember it’s about quality, not quantity

Remember that Allah will look at the quality of your worship, NOT your quantity. And that’s why our deeds will be weighed on the Day of Judgment and not counted. If you pray just two rakʿah with khushu‘, concentrating on what you are saying, beseeching Allah with humility, wouldn’t that be better and more acceptable to Allāh than even 50 or even a 100 rakʿah quickly pecking the ground, without knowing a word of what you are saying?

Every time you do any ‘ibādah, check to see whether you have khushoo or not? Are you focused on what you are doing? Do you know the meaning of what you are saying or asking? Are you moving at a slow, measured pace or are you rushing through it?

Remember what the Prophet (ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi Wa Sallam), said:

“The worst type of thief is the one who steals from his prayer!” The Companions asked, “O Messenger of Allah! How does one steal from his prayers?” The Prophet (ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi Wa Sallam), responded,

“He does not complete his bowing, nor his prostrations.” Or he said “He does not straighten his backbone while bowing and prostrating.” (Ahmed, Al-Tabarani, others–authentic)

MISTAKE #7: Misbehaving in the Masjid of the Prophet

One of the worst mistakes that I see the sisters making is at the Prophet’s (ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi Wa Sallam) Masjid. When the doors are opened, in the morning and evening, for the sisters so that they can visit the Raudah of the Prophet (ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi Wa Sallam), they totally lose all sense of who they are, where they are and what they are doing. They run like wild animals let loose, shouting and screaming in ignorance, pushing each other, trampling anyone and everyone that comes in their way.

SubḥānAllāh sisters! Is this what the Prophet (ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi Wa Sallam), taught us?! Is this the way you behave in a Masjid, let alone the Prophet (ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi Wa Sallam)’s Masjid?! Is this the respect he (ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi Wa Sallam), deserves from you?

Remember when visiting the Prophet (ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi Wa Sallam),’s Masjid, to behave with honor and dignity, with the Hayaa‘ that Allah has adorned you with, as a believing Muslim woman would. Remember to keep your voice soft and your walk paced. Don’t shove, push, harm or hurt your fellow Muslim sisters. Even if you didn’t get a chance to pray in that area, if you let your sister pray there for the sake of Allah just because she is your Muslim sister, Allah will reward you, and He knows best, perhaps even more than He would have, had you yourself had a chance to pray there. 

MISTAKE #8: Wasting precious time in mina

I see so many sisters wasting their time talking with each other, about nothing specific, mingling and socializing with the other Hajjis, while they are staying in Mina and even on the day of Arafah, which is the most important day of Hajj. They forget that these are the most blessed days in which ibadah is dearest to Allah. They forget that Mina is not a place to socialize; rather it is a place for ibadah and dhikr and istighfar and du‘a’. They forget that Day of Arafah is THE DAY for Hajj. That’s what this whole journey is all about. Instead of remembering Allah, they busy themselves with idle talk, laughing, joking, even gheebah and gossip.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with talking for a little bit and to inquire about each other’s well being, etc. In fact, it becomes an act of ibādah if you talk with that niyyah of being kind and polite to your fellow Muslim or for taking a little rest in between your ibadah to refresh yourself. But when this talking takes over one’s time and this is what a person is doing the majority of the time in Mina, then it becomes anaa serious issue of wasting precious time. And in the end, no one loses but you.

MISTAKE # 9: Being uncovered in Muzdalifah

Muzdalifah is an open ground and there are no tents, etc and the bathrooms are in an open field. When the sisters make wuḍu’ there, they forget that they are in an open area and there are men everywhere who can see them. Yet, they take off their ḥijabs and dupattas right in front of them to make wuḍu’, thus exposing themselves. So how does one make wuḍu’ in such a situation?

There is an easy solution to all of this. Whenever you need to make wuḍu’, go with a few women as a group and take turns making wuḍu’ while the others can hold up a piece of cloth, ḥijab, etc in such a way as to cover you and hide you completely. This way no one can see you, insha'Allah.

May Allah enable us to perform Hajj according to the Sunnah of the Prophet (ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi Wa Sallam), in a manner that is most pleasing to Him. May Allah accept this Hajj from all of us and make it Mabroor. Ameen.

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source: muslimmatters.org

Rights of Daughters in Islam

Daughters are the blessing of Allah Almighty. Before the advent of Islam, girls were treated very badly in Arab society. Father of a daughter used to feel shame when a girl born to him. Arab society used to bury girls alive in order to get rid of the shame. At the time of darkness when people used to treat girls very badly, Islam came and gave rights to women, sisters, daughters, wives and especially to little girls who were affected badly.

Allah Almighty says in the Noble Quran: “To Allah belong the dominion of the heavens and the earth; He creates what He wills. He gives to whom He wills female [children], and He gives to whom He wills males. Or He makes them [both] males and females, and He renders whom He wills barren. Indeed, He is Knowing and Competent” (Quran, 49:50). This Ayah of the Holy Quran shows that Allah Almighty has the right or will to give whatever He wants to whom He wants to give. Allah is the One, based on His ultimate wisdom, who grants whomever He wills sons and daughters. He grants sons only to whomever He wills and daughters only to whomever He wills.

Prophet Muhammad (SAW) had 4 daughters and was of the opinion that raising daughters were considered as sacred in Islam. Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said in one of His hadith about the upbringing of daughters in these words: “If someone has three daughters and is patient with them and clothes them from his wealth, they will be a shield against Fire for him.”

Rights and Duties of Daughters

Islam came into being and granted rights to women as a daughter, sister, and wife. Islam also created some responsibilities for them which are mentioned below:

• Islam gave equal rights to women as men and describe that there is no discrimination against them.
• Islam gave them rights of education. They can get an education just like men and can also work for their family.
• They have the right to their father’s property. Her share is half of her brother’s share in the property.
• She has a right of Khula if she is not satisfied with her marriage and husband.
• Islam gave them the right to receive love and best maintenance from parents, brother, and husband.
• A daughter always belongs to the paternal family. Marriage does not break this bond. The Islamic social order makes detailed arrangements for fair treatment of the daughter.
• Taking care of them, educating them, liberating them and training them for tomorrow and a better life all comes under the responsibility of parents to their daughters.
• They have the right to choose her husband. The father is not allowed to oblige her to marry a certain person without her wish.
• Islam gave her the right to speak and express her views and ideas in front of the public.
• Anas (RA) reported that the Prophet (SAW) said: “He who raises two daughters until their puberty will be with me in Paradise like this” and he symbolized the proximity by showing two of his fingers with a slight gap between them.” (Muslim)
• Daughter has a responsibility or duty to cover herself properly to live safely in the society.
• She has a duty to keep the dignity of herself.
• She has to take care of her family.
• She has to loyal to her husband after getting married.
• She has to be in limits when it’s a matter of Na-mahram.

These were some rights and duties of daughters according to religion Islam that every Muslim should know and fulfill. If someone wants to know about the honor of daughters then it is enough of an honor for girls that the Prophets (SAW), had daughters and that most of the children of our beloved Prophet (SAW) were daughters. So when you have a daughter don’t get upset instead be happy and celebrate this joy with all your family members and friends as daughters are the blessing of Allah Almighty. May Allah protect all our daughters and sister and blessed them with all the happiness of the world. Ameen!

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source: quranreading.com

Lowering the Gaze and Protecting Marriage Life

"lowering the gaze" is a divine order for both sexes, contemplate the following verse in Surat Al Noor:

"‏‏قُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَغُضُّوا مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِمْ وَيَحْفَظُوا فُرُوجَهُمْ ذَلِكَ أَزْكَى لَهُمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ خَبِيرٌ بِمَا يَصْنَعُونَ*وَقُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنَاتِ يَغْضُضْنَ مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِنَّ وَيَحْفَظْنَ فُرُوجَهُنَّ وَلَا يُبْدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا" (النور: 30)

Interpretation: "Tell the believing men to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do." (24:30)

Did you notice that Allah ordered men to lower their gaze on seeing what is illegal to look at and save their private parts, and He ordered women as well to do the same thing?

Did you notice that order of lowering the gaze was mentioned before the order of protecting the private parts; eyes are a gate of the heart, and a window of the soul. It was narrated that the Prophet, peace is upon him, said: "...The Zina of the eye is the (lustful) look ... the heart yearns and desires and the private parts approve all that or disapprove it." [Sahih Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

Lowering the gaze is a blessing

Some people regard this command as a difficult task, especially in a world dominated by images as our world today, but the truth is that it is a great blessing.

It's a great blessing to live life with all ambition, work, and transactions, without absorbing these scenes around you or allowing them to invade your heart and soul, or manipulate your desire and feelings.

It's a great blessing to have an internal safety valve that prevents you from indulging your heart in illegal scenes.

It's a great blessing to have a life partner that fills your eyes and pleases your heart.

All these blessings are received when you lower your gaze. No one stares at prohibited things and can feel such happiness.

Lowering the gaze protect you from being insatiable. It does not mean to live isolated and does not look at the way, as portrayed by some, rather it is just as our Prophet, peace be upon him, said: "Do not give a second look" (Hasan according to Al-Albani)

The sinful action intended here is starting to prohibited images, releasing of imagination, and allowing what you saw to manipulate your mind and heart.

Comparison issue

When such images gather in your imagination and mind, you unconsciously begin to compare your spouse too many images stuck in your imagination that formed what looks like the ideal model! Indeed, it's an injustice to compare your spouse to a world of misleading images, which are often fabricated, or subject to the direction, modification, and editing. Even if they are real, your brain captures them, therefore, your heart begins to weave imaginary feelings that drive you to blind love.

source: islamicstudies.islammessage.com

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), the Father and Husband

Although Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) carried the world’s weight of responsibility on his shoulders, calling people to Allah and teaching Islam, he (peace be upon him), valued family and cared deeply about his family members. To learn how women are viewed in Islam or how women should be treated, one is to look at the Prophet (peace be upon him), and how he interacted with his daughters, wives, and the women in his community.

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) loved his daughters dearly and he never made them feel marginalized or unimportant because they were women, or because they were daughters not sons. He loved his daughters, took pride in them, and he was never ashamed to show his affection towards them in public.

Although the youngest of his daughters, Fatima had always been a source of comfort, support, and strength for her father in those early difficult days in Makkah when the men of Quraysh scorned and hurt the Prophet (peace be upon him). She was never intimidated or afraid to defend her father in public, and he never reprimanded her for her strength and outspokenness when it came to speaking the truth and defending justice.

After the Prophet (peace be upon him) and his family migrated to Madinah, Ali bin Abi Talib, the Prophet’s cousin asked for Fatima’s hand in marriage. Although the Prophet (peace be upon him) approved of Ali, he consulted with Fatima to make sure that she consented to the marriage. He never forced any of his daughters into marriage against their will.

Whenever Fatima visited the Prophet (peace be upon him), he would stand up for her to greet her and give her his place to sit. She, in turn, would kiss his forehead. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) loved Fatima and he loved her sons, and he was often seen kissing and playing with his grandsons. He (peace be upon him) was kind and gentle with his family.

When the Prophet (peace be upon him) was preparing for the Battle of Badr against the disbelievers of Quraysh, the Prophet’s daughter, Ruqayyah fell ill. The Prophet (peace be upon him) asked her husband, Uthman bin Affan to remain with Ruqayyah to tend to her and care for her, rather than leaving her and participating in this extremely decisive battle. Uthman obeyed the Prophet and stayed with his wife during her illness, and she died later in the month before the Muslim army returned to Madinah from the Battle of Badr.

In his entire life, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) never struck or even raised his hand to hit a woman or a child, ever.

When calling his daughter or wife, he chose beautiful nicknames to make them feel special. He called Fatima Al-Zahraa, meaning the shining one. He called Aisha, his wife, Al-Homairaa, due to her red, rosy cheeks.

After the death of Khadijah, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) remarried, and Allah gave special permission only to the Prophet to marry nine wives, and each marriage was for a very specific reason. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) respected each of his wives, treated them justly, listened to their grievances and opinions, and cared about their feelings. No matter what ordeals he may have been going through outside the home, he always took the time to talk to his wives, console them, and show them that he loved them.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) was sensitive to the feelings of his wife, Aisha. He recognized when Aisha was upset, what upset her, what made her sad, and he tried to cheer her up.

Aisha reported that Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) once said to her, “I know well when you are angry or pleased with me.” I said, “How do you know that?” He replied, “When you are pleased you say ‘By the Lord of Muhammad’ but when you are upset, you say ‘By the Lord of Abraham.’” I said, “Yes, I do not desert except your name.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari)

That is our Prophet, making light of an agitated situation, making his wife smile when she is upset.

In the home, he helped with household chores. Aisha, his wife, stated, “He always joined in household work and would at times mend his clothes, repair his shoes, and sweep the floor. He would milk, tether, and feed his animals and do the household shopping.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari)

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) respected his wives, acknowledged the wisdom of the women in his life, and went to them for advice.

When a group of Muslims along with the Prophet (peace be upon him) trekked to Makkah intending to perform the pilgrimage, Quraysh prevented them from proceeding. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) signed the treaty of Hudaibiyah and Quraysh promised to allow the Muslims to perform the pilgrimage the following year. Some of the companions disagreed with the terms of the treaty and they were disappointed that they were unable to perform the pilgrimage. When Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) instructed them to shave their heads and discard their pilgrimage clothes and return to Madinah, at first the companions did not follow the Prophet’s instructions.

Umm Salama, the Prophet’s wife, was intelligent and she advised the Prophet to go out in front of his companions and have his head shaved. She figured that if they saw him shaving his head, they would follow his actions, and that would be better than simply telling them to do so. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) took Umm Salama’s advice, and she was right.

In Madinah, the women of his community complained to the Prophet (peace be upon him) that the men spent more time with him and they learned directly from him, and the women wanted to learn and they had questions to ask. The Prophet (peace be upon him) assigned a day of every week for the women to gather for a lecture at his mosque, and he would give them time to ask their questions.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) even knew and appreciated the woman who had no place but the mosque to live and she was responsible for the cleaning and upkeep of the masjid. One day, he noticed she was not at the masjid; he was concerned so he asked his companions about her. When they told him she died at night, he asked why they had not informed him. He asked where her grave was so he could offer the funeral prayer for her.

The Messenger of Allah did not swear, cuss, use profane language, curse others, or spread obscenity. The Prophet’s character can be summarized in the eloquent verse in the Holy Qur’an which describes him, “You are of the highest noble character.” (Chapter 68, verse 4)

It is no wonder why his wives, his daughters, his companions, and his servants loved him so much, more than they loved their own souls.

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source: saudigazette.com.sa